Exhalted/Useless

I am always waiting for a word.
Wrenching out a meaning bit by bit,
Combinations alighting
And disembarking at my door.
Let me tell you what I actually want to say:
I am an enemy of change.
I am still buying vinyl
And old new books as if anyone cares,
I don’t think the clothes I’m wearing
Were ever new,
I am opposed to all cars
And dream of one Utopian bus route
For us all.
I am queen of the re-release and traditional spending,
Safely purchasing
Means to no end and
Meaning that I’m not ending
Until we burn all the children’s phones,
Leave them out to blister with tired footballs.
I’m writing about all of you
Behind your backs because
I kept all of my hatred from school.
Anger seems less useful with age
But I’m trying to keep it in fashion.
I see the same reflection I saw
When I was twelve and smoking
The airy high of starvation.
As cool and fucked up as Kate Moss,
She says.
Progress is cheap,
She says.
As cheap as my discount New Yorker subscription
But I’m cheaper.
You can have me for a bag of pasta,
I’ll be that unseen breeze
Animating old curtains and
Blowing dust in your face.
I dream in silent movies,
Didn’t you know?
Black and white is so my
Colour palette and
The word of the day is
Nostalgia.

***

Inspired by Eileen Myles.

Eva Griffin is a poet living in Dublin. She is currently pursuing a Masters in Gender, Sexuality & Culture in University College Dublin and is the former Visual Arts Editor for Headstuff.org.

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